Diary Of An Emperor

Fun fact, not all was pessimistic during 11th and 12th grades, there was one person that I respected the most and still do; my Biology teacher. She wasn the most knowledgeable or better teacher than others in school, but she did support and encourage me wholeheartedly to pursue my dreams, as she was the only person who knew that I wanted to become a Genetic Engineer( I didn even write it in my Diary).

I remember, in our first class in 11th grade, she asked everyone; what they wanted to be after 12th grade, and everyone other then me and one of the girls in class answered the question, well the girl didn answer because she was busy masturbating at the back and in the corner of class(I knew; how is not important..), as for me, well, I knew I wanted to be a scientist, but what kind of, in which field and what are all the fields I can apply to; I had no idea. Few months passed by, and one day I went to the teacher and asked her some doubts regarding basic genetics; she answered all of them in best of her capacities, after which, she suddenly said with a big elderly smile ”You want to pursue Genetics, right!? ”. It was sudden to say the least, and I didn know then but I was feeling kind of afraid and anxious; she patted the seat next to her, and I sat down, she had realized my emotional flow better than me then, but she didn point out or say anything about it, she simply explained the general introduction of Genetics and its future; economically(globally and locally) and in comparison to more common fields of science, I simply listened, got up, and left, but that whole day I subconsciously or consciously thought about it hard. It was the start of how I divided my focus between other mundane(coaching, school and food..) things and my future field of interest; I even opened up a little to someone in years, even if only regarding My dreams, and it was the first time in years that someone listened and guided me wholeheartedly; she used to bring me different books(advance or basic guides),even gave me a sweet little corner in her lab, where I can study; no matter when, and study I did!

I remember, I had saved some money, it was not a lot, and I needed more to enrol for
ationwide genetic engineering exam, even now I don know how the teacher knew; after graduating from school, when I went to say goodbye to her, she handed me an A4 size sheet and told me to open it on the way back, as it was my graduation gift; I was confused to say the least, but i simply nodded, talked a bit about somethings, and left. I cried on my way back, on a public transport, everyone was watching with curiosity, all types of comments were flying in the air, I didn pay any heed to anything, I was holding the piece of paper; my so called graduation gift, it was the entrance ticket, I did cry but they were happy tears!!

It was a month before my Medical entrance exams; the day of
ationwide genetic engineering exam. I told my Mom that I am going for a ”haircut ” and will be back in few hours(I was too anxious to make a good lore). This was my first exam and only one which I had studied secretly for and on my own(without any coaching), I remember, it was hot summer day, I had cold sweat; I was basically feeling like that one guy with durag who misses his mothers spaghetti….

I remember, the day I turned 17 was the day I got results of all the en exams I took(9 medical & 1 genetics); I cleared 6 out of them, first result I got was og genetics, I was happy will be and understatement; I was dancing contemporary on the beats created by that guy who impersonates Muzan furiously….haha… I had placed in top ten nationwide, after completing the
outine, I first called my Teacher and told her everything; all of my results and how I was afraid that my family will be angry after hearing about genetics, but she told me not to worry, she said even if they get angry, they will support me nonetheless. I told my Mom everything; from beginning to end, and to my surprise she hugged me, congratulated me and said she supports me fully. With that confidence, I called my Dad and repeated the same thing; well I guess used all my good luck on my exams, he matter of factly told me with a commanding tone that I will be attending Medical University and if argue one more time; I can say goodbye to any monetary help(tuition fee and miscellaneous) and will be kicked out of family, also if my Mom tries to help me, she should be ready for a divorce….BEEP(phone disconnected)..

I had seen a few movies by then, and seen many scenes where they slow the time for characters only and everythings else moves normally; I always knew until then that was fake, but after talking to my dad, my Time stopped, my brain malfunctioned and I first time felt the meaning of heartbreak….

My Mom fought or at least tried to fight for my dreams, but for naught. I didn want my brother to face tough times(divorce and all) due to my selfishness; I agreed to pursue Medicine, also for the first time in my life, I in spite of my dad, told him in an angry tone; I will go to a foreign country to continue as an university student; even though i had cleared the seat in my countrys most Prestigious university and would have gotten a scholarship too!

Dad threw a
age fit on me, but I silently with my emotionless eyes looked into his, and didn budge from my decision; I shouldn have felt happy that time, I should have agreed like always, that is what I think now….