It is another lonely night. I laid on my side and pulled my blanket up to my waist as I scrolled through social media on my phone – my daily dose. I burst into laughter because I saw a meme.
”Here we go again with the usual laughter ”. My sister said, passing by my room.
I wasn in the mood for her nosiness and nagging. She is right. I spend all my freetime listening to music or watching TV but more often, fetching memes. Memes discourage me from my grief, or maybe partly. I saw another meme and I smiled, then I frowned because it reminded me of what I disliked coming in reality with: my loneliness. This meme talked about a relationship, a happy and healthy relationship at that. I was happy because I could relate but unhappy because I couldn relate anymore.
Talking about relationships, I am single to stupor. But that isn even my worry, I don need a relationship. Financially, I strive to get myself every thing I crave. I have a constant monthly allowance from my parents and I have part-time jobs. Emotionally and psychologically, my family and lovely friends always back me up so I always feel loved by most. But I am still lonely, why? I am attached to my ex-boyfriend. One would absolutely expect that, because getting over exes isn always an easy process, especially when the relationship was healthy, but my situation isn the regular case. The breakup isn recent, it wasn yesterday, wasn even last year or last month, it was over two years ago.
I developed several coping mechanisms to try and detach but when its just me and my thoughts, that is all I think about. Sincerely, my life is enviable. Im extremely free-spirited, jovial, carefree and simple. Even though I am plus-sized, I am not fat – probably the type to feature in model jobs for big clothes and need I mention my radiant skin, my skin is golden brown and spotless, I don even have to try. Academically, my grades are great so I really have it all going well for me and I value that.
But the one problem is this unsolicited attachment I find myself entangled in. It weighs me down.
”Ugh. I miss Nate. ” I murmured to myself.
No, its not Nate Im attached to. But with Nate around, I could keep away from my attachment. I never had a defined relationship with Nate but if I had to string words together to define what we had, I would pretty much call it ”friends with benefits that had developing feelings for each other ”. As a matter of fact, I didn mind getting serious with Nate but he insisted on not taking our relationship to the next level. He never gave me a proper reason to why he wanted us to remain like that and I didn bug, so far I was happy. I couldn even be convincing a man to get with me. I mean, I did that with my ex but thats a different case.
Nate and I went back and forth on our indecisiveness since the past year. It wasn every part of it that I enjoyed but it was fun while it lasted. There wasn a concrete reason to why we stopped either. It was all Nate. He just stopped communicating and asking to hang out and whenever I tried to, he always shunned. He would never be accountable for his misbehaviours. If he wronged you, youd either have to overlook it or drift from him if you couldn tolerate him. He always knows what hes doing but he didn ever feel obligated to explain himself so if you expect him to give reasons why hes acting up, you might as well wait till eternity. I caught the ”its over ” message he was throwing at me and just followed suit because I was even feeling unappreciated in our whatever-ship earlier on. The last time I talked to Nate was two months ago.
I met Rico just before I fell off with Nate. Ricos beauty was a sight to behold. He lived on the same block with some of my classmates but he was older than us. I assumed he would be really cool because my classmates always had a way to mention his name in our conversations but I never expected that hed be a pretty boy. The day I met him, I didn even plan to meet him. I went to pay my classmates a visit but they weren at home.
”Those silly boys! I told them yesterday that Id be here today. Is that how quickly they forget things now?! ” I was speaking to myself out of frustration.
Rico came out of his room and I was amused but I kept my cool.
”Hey. Who do you want to see? ” He asked me.
As I made to answer him, he interrupted me to answer his own question.
”Oh! You are here to see those playful boys, right? ” He asked again.
”Yes ”. I smiled. He knew they were silly too.
”Please, do you know where they went to? ” I asked too.
”Huh? Im not sure but put a call through to them? ” He suggested.
”Thats the issue. My phones dead. Of all our friends, Im the only one that has not paid them a visit and they always call me out for it. Im finally here now and they
e nowhere to be found ”. I lamented.
”Okay, let me get my phone and call them ”
”Wow. Thank you so much ”.
It was attractive enough that hes handsome but being so nice, thats a whole different dimension.
He put a call through to one of the boys and they said theyd be with us in five minutes.
”Thanks a bunch, again ”.
”You could come stay in my room till they come, if you don mind ”. He offered help again.
”For real? Thats much better than staying outside. You
e very kind. Whats your name? ” I asked as he opened the door to his room for me and I entered.
The block had a number of rooms and they were all guys living there so I guessed he was one of the other blockmates that my friends barely mentioned.
”Im Rico, you? ”
e Rico?! The Rico they always talk about?! ”, I exclaimed. The Rico in my head was a goofy one and I didn expect a goofy guy to be so attractive. This boy had me stealing quick glances at his face and I rarely ever did that.
”Yes. Good talks, I guess? Or why are you staring at me in shock? ” He asked, looking confused.
”You just don look as playful as they describe you ”.
”Oh. Youll have to see that for yourself ”. He winked at me and then smiled.
His dentition, oh my. Perfectly aligned and sparkling white. Is there a defect in this boys appearance? I didn seem to spot any turnoff in him.
He apologized for not offering me any refreshments. If only he knew watching him was more than enough refreshment.
”Please don apologize. Youve been more than nice. If you hadn helped me, I would have returned home without seeing my friends. And I even ate before coming here. Thank you ”.
My friends returned and I thanked Rico again for being nice before leaving his room.
”Rico is fine. You guys never said that ”.
”Annie strikes again ”. They said, smirking at me.
”Just appreciating Gods creation ”. I smirked back.
Genuinely, I wanted that creature God created to get creative with me. I wanted Rico in my bed, I knew that the moment he said hey to me.
Slow and steady, Annie. Slow and steady wins the race. I muttered to myself.
After two weeks, I still hadn started talking to Rico. I bumped into him the previous week. It was in the night and he had his nosemask on so I didn even recognize him. He looked familiar though so I just maintained eye contact with him, expecting if he was a known person, hed greet me as I wasn wearing a nosemask.
”Is that Annie? ” His gentle voice called from beneath his mask.
”Yeah it is ”. I answered, with a puzzled face.
”Where are you headed? ”
”I don know who Im talking to. Lower the mask, please? ”
”My bad ”. He lowered his mask and I was shocked to see this fine man once again.
”Woah. Rico! How did you recognize me? Its relatively dark here ”.
e not that hard to recognize ”.
I blushed. My crush recognized me in the dark. Maybe getting with him was even more hopeful than I thought.
”Where are you headed? ”
”I want to get something from that store ”. He pointed towards the store.
e walking back to your place at this time? Thats risky! ” I exclaimed.
e inside school. What could possibly go wrong? ” He chuckled.
”True. Anyway, I live just down the road. Good night ”. I hugged him and left. I was hoping to bump into him again but wishes weren horses.
I decided to get his number and I texted him. As usual, he was receptive and welcoming. We got talking and I found out he was in talking stage with a girl. I backed out. I wasn the one to be competing, at least, not for a man. I never told him how I felt about him but I kept him around hoping we would have a fling, even if it was for a day.
A week after I got Ricos number, he got official with the girl he was initially in a talking stage with. He posted pictures and videos captioning them ”latest couple in town ”.
I felt so unlucky. Why did it have to be after I knew him? Shes not even as attractive as I am. Wrong timing must really be a thing. When will someone I want really want me back? Or when will I start liking the people that like me?
Those were my thoughts two weeks ago when I found out Rico got a girlfriend.
I stand up and walk to the sitting room. My sister had slept off watching a movie.
As usual. I roll my eyes. I turn the television off, then my eyes caught the clock.
Wow I didn know its that late already. I should go to bed too.
I turn the lights off, made for my room and slept.