With Nate around, I thought I was over Dan. Nate never bought that though. He always said ”nah, you still love him ”. I always argued that I didn anymore but he never believed. It was after I fell off with Nate that I realized he was right. I wasn over Dan, I was just distracted from Dan by Nate and I confused that with thinking I was over Dan.
Nate and Dan aren exactly friends but they are acquainted, they barely even know each others names. Dan is quite popular in school amidst boys. Hes a pretty boy, prettier than Rico, so hes a very noticeable person. I always knew Nate would know Dan but I never mentioned anything about him or even my past relationship with him.
A year and a half after Dan broke up with me, I found out he was asking another girl out. I was shocked because his consistent excuse to me was that he wasn interested in a relationship. I felt really hurt because I bought his lie the whole time. I was able to get basic information about the girl – her name and her department. I was so interested in knowing how attractive she was because how did Dan not want me but her? How much more attractive, than me, was she? She was in the same faculty with Nate so I reached out to him. I asked him to help me get a picture of her, I honestly was just curious about what she looked like. Nate said he didn really talk to her so he didn even have her number but he would try. No one had her picture and her social media platforms were faceless. Nate really put in efforts to help me get her picture, it was glaring. When all his efforts to get her picture proved futile, I asked him to describe her. He said ”shes fine and her body is hot ”.
”How hot is her body? On a scale of 100? ”, I persisted.
”I give her an eighty. I don think any heterosexual guy would resist her ”
”Oh alright. Thank you ”, I said, relieved.
Still hurt that my ex wanted her but at least, I wouldn feel insulted that he was stooping low from me.
”But I don understand, Annie. Ive never seen you like this about anyone ”.
”Like how? ”, I pretended I didn know I asked about her like my life depended on it.
”You were on my neck for this girls picture. I know you get nosy sometimes but I don think Ive seen you this bothered about someone or something. If it was a boy, I would just assume you like him but its even a girl and you
e clearly straight, so, whats up? ”
”Its not that big a deal. My friend liked her but she didn like him back and thats rare because most girls actually want him, hes handsome. So I just wanted to see the girl that was able to resist such a handsome guy ”. I said, shrugging and hoping he would just let go of the matter. I don like opening up about my pain to people.
That was actually the truth about the matter. The girl curved Dan but he still didn think of getting back with me. He didn only unwant me, he also didn see me as an alternative. I think that even hurt me more than finding out that he liked someone else. The fact that he was curved but still didn want me back was sickening.
”Whats the friends name? ”, Nate asked, sounding and looking skeptical of my lies.
”This boy really won let this matter slide? ”, I murmured under my breath.
”You don know him, ah! Bro, let it go! ”, I snapped.
”You are only snapping because you
e hiding something and we both know that ”
”Im not hiding anything. Just change the topic, please ”. I said, restoring my calm.
”Not until you say ”the friends ” name ”, he said insistently, raising his fingers up to illustrate quotes around the friend.
”Okay so you invited me over to your house to interrogate me? ”
I wanted to twist my way out of the situation without facing the situation.
”Why would I do that? ”. He sounded disappointed.
”I don know? The same reason you
e questioning me unnecessarily? ”
”Annie, I am not questioning you unnecessarily ”.
”Okay so let it go ”.
We must both be descendants of goats because what was this back-and-forth stubbornness?
e being unfair ”. He accused me.
”How? ”. I didn feel unfair at all, I felt rather personal.
”You know how much I helped you get information about her. You also know anything you ask me about, I always answer your questions. Even when you ask things you shouldn know about my friends, I always relay the information to you. Its your turn to relay information but you want to feign privacy? ”
”I don get why you
e smiling? Im not feigning privacy, Ive always been private ”.
Nate actually always smiles. The night we even met, it was his smile that attracted me. He has a good way of showing off his aligned dentition. Even through the argument, he was smiling. He refused to regard my attitude. You know hes super pissed or upset when he has a completely straight face.
”Don I always smile? ”, he blushed as he asked. ”But for real, thats the issue. You always want to know everything about me and the people around me but you never let me in on anything about you ”, he continued.
That statement softened me. Thinking about it, I was being unfair. Nate didn have access to my personal life and that was singly because I never let him. He had been really nice to me. Maybe its time to give in.
”Huh. Okay ”. I rolled my eyes.
”Finally ”. He was so excited as he moved closer to me on the seat.
”You want to enter me? ”, I teasingly smiled. ”His name is Dan. You know Dan? ” I raised my head to look at him.
”Dan? ”, he asked, puzzled.
”That dark boy thats pretty ”. Of course I always showed off my boy, not my boy anymore but I was still proud of him; still am.
”With beards? Very Slim? ”
”Not very slim but yeah, slim ”, I defended. ”Hes the one ”.
”I know him. Ive played table tennis with him a couple of times ”.
That was enough statement for me to know he was being honest. Dans favourite sport is table tennis and its also what he does during leisure.
”Exactly, he likes table tennis a lot ”.
”So you guys are that close? I know most of your close friends and youve never mentioned him ”.
”I didn say we
e that close, did I? ”
”Hes obviously a reserved person so knowing his business that much signifies a lot ”
”Hes reserved like you and I know your business too so whats your point, Nate? ”
”I only let you know my business because I find you cool and its probably the same with him? ”
”We dated ”. I let the cat out of the bag. The argument was draining me.
e serious? ” He took a pause. Then he continued, ”but if hes your ex, Annie, then why are you trying so hard to see the girl he likes? ”
”I still like him ”.
”I feel you. Sorry. Im sure youll be fine? ”. He was concerned.
”I hope so ”.
”Now that youve answered me, let me get us some drinks ”.
”Mm hmmmm. Here comes the alcohol guru ”.
”You know how we do it baby! ”
That day unleashed my intimacy with Nate. I grew more comfortable with him and told him about my personal life before he even enquired. I just felt Nate would treat me with caution since he already knew I was still healing.
I thought wrong. He started complaining about me being too nice to him and making it easy for him to like me. I was confused at first. Im a naturally nice person and Im even extreme when I find you worthy.
Later, he started pointing out every possible flaw I have and barely complimented me.
The deal-breaker was his dishonesty. He lied too much.
And he was always ever ready to remind me we were not dating. I could simply ask: ”do you like my dress? ”. Next thing hed say is ”I don know. Im not your boyfriend ”.
All these things did not occur at a stretch. He was switching between niceness and meanness. He could be nice for a week and then cold the following week.
It was like he didn want me when I was available but if I started to make myself unavailable, then hed start claiming that he missed me – he consistently gave me that full-blown toxicity vibe. I knew I wasn cut out for that so I left his unappreciative ass.
I tolerated him because as long as I didn feel hooked to unreturning Dan, I preferred the feeling. But for someone trying to heal from a heartbreak, Nate wasn helping me. Sometimes he was extremely and unnecessarily cold to me, ways that Dan would never treat me in. Even after the breakup, Dan has still been completely gentle with me.
I had started contemplating moving on from Nate but I also didn want to be lonely so I just drifted a little from him, hoping hed start valuing me. Nothing really changed. He didn even flinch. He stopped calling or texting. I know I hate being lonely but its better than feeling unwanted. I moved on from Nate and thats good news but it only made me want Dan back even more.